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Announcer: Welcome to RBI Baseball Tonight. Brought to you by Taco Bell, the home of the runs. And by Coors Light, because Darrell Evans says so.
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KR: Good evening, everyone. I'm here with Harold Reynolds, Peter Gammons and John Kruk for the first time this season, as we break down the first two weeks of this year's Fantasy RBI Baseball season. And when the season began, there was talk about several teams who might challenge for the title, but the biggest story so far has to be a team that no one was talking about - The Stiffs. Harold, take us through why they've had so much success this season.
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HR: First off, let me say that I'm so glad that no one chose Willie Randolph for their rosters. I mean, there is no way that he should have been the starting second baseman for the orginal game to begin with. I mean, the Yankees already had Don Mattingly; they couldn't find room for one Mariner? Unbelievable.
Anyway. back to The Stiffs. This is a team that had to be taken over by the Commissioner's Office during the draft because of ownership problems. But they players on the field haven't let that have an impact on them; they're just going out there and playing ball. I think that you look at this team, and you have to be impressed with the production they are getting from the bottom of the order. The six through eight hitters have driven in 15 of the team's 30 runs so far. You have to be impressed with that.
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KR: And don't forget about Bobby Ojeda. Even though every starter has inflated numbers, he's 2-0 so far, with good numbers compared to a lot of other guys. Peter, what about some of the disappointments this season so far?
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PG: I still think that they can turn this thing around. He they are 0-2, but they've lost their games by two runs and three runs each. I talked to a Fantasy RBI Baseball general manager today who told me that he thought that Mike Schmidt was on the trading block. I think that would be a bad decision. Although he's only hit one home run so far, he's not getting a lot of RBI opportuniries with McGwire hitting in front of him.
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JK: Muh mwha to me kimmimg muh!
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KR: John, no one can understand you. Take that hot dog out of your mouth first.
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JK: I said, you've got to be kidding me! As the only one here who is actually in the game, I can tell you that having your No. 5 hitter have only one home run and three extra base hits is just plain unacceptable. If you're ShitPaw, you've got to get rid of Schmidt and get some players in there who can add some pop to the middle of the line-up.
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PG: That's pretty big talk from someone who's riding the pine right now.
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JK: Hey, cram it, Bea Arthur. Just because you went to school with Honus Wagner doesn't mean you know jack about RBI Baseball.
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KR: Harold, did you have something that you wanted to say?
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HR: No man, Kruk just got mustard all over my suit. I spent $800 on this. This isn't some off the rack from Meryvn's piece of crap like SOME people wear around here.
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KR: Well, that's fascinating stuff, Harold. Quickly, looking at this week's games, any game jump out at you?
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PG: Well, I'd like to see if Fatso's team can knock of the Creamy Pirates. There's been a lot of talk that the Commissioner's Office has been using undue influence on the umpires in these games. In fact, I had dinner with every one of the owners yesterday, and they told me that...
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KR: Sorry to interrupt, but we don't have time for your self-aggrandizing. John, key game this week?
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JK: Poopydicks vs. The Stiffs. Can The Stiffs keep it up? Chili Davis has been much criticized in the Arizona media for his lack of hitting - he could be the difference in this one.
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HR: Man, does anyone have any club soda. Son of a bi-
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KR: Well, that's all the time we have here for RBI Baseball Tonight. We'll be back tomorrow with a recap of the Poopydicks vs. Stiffs game. Until then, so long.
that's the greatest post i've ever read
It's only the 25th, but this thread won't be beat...
Edit - Forgot the nee, and it's only my 2nd beer. Honest!
Holy shit, this is the most incredible post I think I've ever read. Congratulations, usc, you have outdone yourself.
And you're right, Chili is getting torn to shreds here in the desert.
how do you get the pictures in like that, Well done.
You can attach files to your post, including pictures. If you want to include them in a post, use the img tag, 4th one from the left on the bottom. You have to put said pictures up on the web first, or link to a site that already has them (like espn.com)
That post was bloody awesome. Fightonusc, I bow to you.
Nice work USC, Goddamn Kruk said he had to miss practice for his grandmother's funeral, lying sack of shit.
Great thread... basically I'm going around reading stuff I missed or read while drunk and trying to give credit where it is due. Fantastic stuff here. I need a Corona...
USC--this is good shit.
By the way, you gotta lot of time on your hands, don't you?
USC - you da man.
Quite possibly the greatest post I have ever read.
Gantry's reply is a close #2
Thank you all. And yes, I do have a lot of time on my hands - at least, I can multitask while playing online poker at work...
fightonusc is actually a funny robot.
if fightonusc really does have a job were he can make ridiculous posts and play online poker that is the job for me. not to mention if they have no qualms about hiring robots.
I'm director of public relations for a software company. Basically, I've learned how to get the required amount of work done in about half the time, so I can devote the rest of the time to more worthy pursuits, such as Dee-Nee, poker, and golf soliataire. The benefits of having my own office I guess.
I'm not about the acceptance of robots, although this is California, so I suspect that there is some sort of provision in the state labor code regarding equal treatment of robots.
gay robots would be good decorators