FRBI VI Week 4

[Darky]

Sally Cunts blank OC Legions of Doom down the stretch to earn victory

Minneapolis (AP) - The Sally Cunts got excellent long relief out of Sbrhgn and lights out pitching from their bullpen and just enough offense to defeat the slumping OC 14-11 on a beautiful spring like day at Fidel Reagan Freedom Gulag Stadium.

Sbhrgn only allowed 2 runs off 2 hits in long relief in keeping the OC hitters off balance with his drop balls. D.Smith pitched a brilliant scoreless 8th inning and King picked up the save as he retired the side in order in the 9th. Together, the three pitchers impressively combined to limit the OC to 2 runs and only 3 hits in five innings of relief work.

The Sally Cunt pitchers combined to go 3-4 with three triples and a double which seemed to set owners TBG and BeefMaster in a violent rage in the dugout.

The OC long relief and bullpen also pitched masterfully as they only allowed 2 runs after the 4th inning, but their highly touted powerful offense has yet to hit their stride.

The Sally Cunts now move into a three way tie for first place in the Gantry Division.

OC Legions of Doom 1-3, (0-3)
Sally Cunts 3-1, (2-1)

[Darky]

Poopydicks use 10 run explosion in the 8th to overpower Fighting Artichokes


Phoenix (AP) - The loud and echoing boos of 82,000 frustrated fans filled the Turd Bowl throughout the Dove RBI divisional game between the Poopydicks and Fighting Artichokes. There was not much to cheer about as the Poopydicks were flat at the plate. That all changed in the bottom of the 8th inning.

J.Reardn came in to protect an 8-6 lead in the bottom of the 8th inning, and disaster struck.

The Poopydicks tattooed Reardn for 8 straight hits to start the inning and continued the onslaught as they scored 10 runs to go up 16-8. That was more than enough for Senior Smoke to work with and pick up the win.
Bush came off the bench in the 8th inning and picked up 2 hits and 4 RBI---one of them a two run blast in his second at-bat of the inning.

The Poopydicks got great pitching in the last three innings as they allowed no runs and kept the game close.

The Artichokes got excellent pitching from SP N.Ryan and long relief pitcher B.Ojeda, but Reardn's dismal outing erased that solid effort.

The two teams will play each other again in week 5 at Fort Dodge Park.


Fighting Artichokes 1-3, (1-2)
Poopydicks 2-2, (2-1)

[AlecTrevylan006]

Brunasty needs to pull his shit together. Unfortunately, there ain't really much I can do if he doesn't. Promote Ripken? Pfft.

[Darky]

K.Hrndz delivers walk-off shot, Banana Hammocks get first franchise win


Milwaukee (AP) - With the score narrowed up at 9 in the bottom of the ninth inning, and with Jerry Seinfeld on his feet encouraging his idol K.Hrndz at the plate, K.Hrndz drilled the first pitch he saw into the bleachers as the Banana Hammocks captured their first franchise FRBI victory in dramatic fashion at a rocking Quinlan Park on a cold brisk evening.

The game did not offer much hitting, but there was no shortage of suspense. The Banana Hammocks blew a 10-7 lead in the top of the ninth when Leonard and Donnie Baseball each homered in the inning to even the score. It looked like the winless Hammocks would find yet another way to lose. However, with one out, Dayley made two tough consecutive outs in getting Gaetti and Heath to line out and escape the inning with the score tied up going into the bottom of the ninth.

With Jerry Seinfeld on his feet along with the rest of the 58,000 boisterous and drunken spectators,  Andre the Hawk Dawson drilled a F.Rbnsn pitch for a double and set the stage for K.Hrndz. Rbnsn tried to sneak an inside fastball on Hrndz, but Hrndz turned on the pitch and delivered a walk-off shot to defeat the defending FRBI champions. Hrndz was captured by the cameras during his homerun trout smiling and pointing in the direction of Jerry Seinfeld.

The loss to the Galactic Empire moves the two time defending Dove RBI champions down into second place, the first time they have not occupied first place since season IV---26 consecutive weeks which is a FRBI record.

"Our guys took the game too lightly with the last place team and may have been looking forward to playing our arch-rivals next week, the Sally Cunts. I don't know if we have recovered from our shocking collapse to the Awesome Badasses last week as well. But I can assure you that the Sally Cunts will bear the burden of our frustrations" - said a disappointed Darkside to a group of swarming reporters. "Give the Banana Hammocks and owner Turd credit for winning the game, they deserved it with their gutsy performance and not being intimidated by our mystique" - stated Darkside.


Galactic Empire 2-2, (2-1)
Banana Hammocks 1-3, (1-3)