Today's Schedule
Dove RBI League
Banana Hammocks 4-7, (3-5) @ Fighting Artichokes 3-8, (2-5)
Gantry League
Awesome Badasses 3-8, (0-7) @ Sally Cunts 7-4, (5-3)
Non League
OC Legions of Doom 7-4, (4-3) @ Galactic Empire 8-3, (4-2)
Rebel Alliance 5-6, (4-4) @ Fighting Ulrachers 7-4, (5-2)
Poopydicks 6-5, (5-2) @ Pabst Blue Ribbons 5-6, (4-3)
Slot of games to begin at 21:00 Swedish time, 14:05 Dee Nee time:
PD@PBR
RA@FU
AB@SC*
BH@FA*
OC@GE*
Standings
Dove RBI League
Galactic Empire 8-3, (4-2)
Poopydicks 6-5, (5-2)
Rebel Alliance 5-6, (4-4)
-------------------------------------
Banana Hammocks 4-7, (3-5)
Fighting Artichokes 3-8, (2-5)
Gantry League
Fighting Ulrachers 7-4, (5-2)
Sally Cunts 7-4, (5-3)
OC Legions of Doom 7-4, (4-3)
-------------------------------------------
Pabst Blue Ribbons 5-6, (4-3)
Awesome Badasses 3-8, (0-7)
Big game for the Poopydicks, they better come up big
time to get back on track
BREAKING NEWS:
SAN LUIS OBISPO (AP) - The OC Legions of Doom officially named Mike Hunt manager today, removing the interim tag after Hunt led the team on a 6-2 tear following the firing of Seymour Butz. The team also announced that Hunt has agreed to a three-year contract extension and will be turned into a lich by team necromancers.
"It's really an honor," said Hunt from his office, as he sipped the blood of a virgin in preparation for the dark ritual that will transform him into a powerful undead wizard. "I mean, the contract extension was nice, but for them to give me unholy powers just a few weeks into my tenure is a real testament to the loyalty of this organization." OC Legions head necromancer Damien the Black said that he expects the transformation to be completed within the next two weeks, and Hunt would likely have access to a full array of dark magic by the end of the regular season.
Hunt's contract is estimated at a present value of $1.3 million per year; however, a clause in the contract states that his salary is to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars, leaving the value highly volatile going forward. At 2009 inflation rates, the contract would be essentially valueless in just a few months, but Hunt claimed to be "a big believer in the resourcefulness of the Zimbabwean people," and stated that he expects that he will come out ahead by the end of the contract. Hunt also stated that regardless of the Zimbabwean economy, he expects his living expenses to be greatly reduced once he is able to subsist by consuming the souls of the living.
OC Legions players were enthusiastically behind the move, and many of them gave Hunt credit for their personal success. Benito Santiago, who recently broke out of a prolonged slump to raise his average above .300, credited his turnaround to a Hunt-prescribed training regimen, which he describes as heavy on both daily film sessions and "a (feces) ton of Japanese tentacle porn." Mark McGwire, who has rallied from a poor start and is now among the league leaders in home runs, named Hunt's motivational skills as a key component in his hot streak, particularly a book recommendation early in Hunt's tenure. McGwire couldn't recall the title of the book, but stated that "by the time I got to the part with the sister-(copulating), I was hitting two or three homers a game."
Fighting Urlachers... big game against a big opponent, we really need a win here.
Quote from: Gantry on 04/06/10, 10:46:58 AM
Big game for the Poopydicks, they better come up big
Games out of our division haven't been our strong suit thus far. We're the Arizona Cardinals of fantasy RBI.
Week 12 in the books and lots of offense all around...
Quote from: Dårky on 04/06/10, 02:54:54 PM
Week 12 in the books and lots of offense all around...with the exception of the Sally Cunts.
So inconsistent. How do the Badasses have such a poor record? They're loaded with power guys.
Quote from: Mike D. on 04/06/10, 03:22:20 PM
So inconsistent. How do the Badasses have such a poor record? They're loaded with power guys.
Team pitching...and the Ripken jinx.
Needs to dump Ripken imo
Quote from: Mike D. on 04/06/10, 03:38:00 PM
Needs to dump Ripken imo
He always puts up good numbers, but he's a jinx. The AB's bench has no HR's and is not doing well at all---makes a difference with their 25 at-bats. Plus Brnsky is not having his best year in the power department. The AB's really don't have that much power after Ripken, and some of their power guys don't have the best contact and their power guys have not compensated by having huge years---even Bell. But---it all comes back to pitching and they are dead last by miles. They won't end up with the worst record though--the Artichokes will---they just don't have enough pop and the pitching is not best.
AB's need some more contact guys imo
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
Quote from: BeefMaster on 04/06/10, 04:11:23 PM
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
It was a great game! More so for me since we won it in the last inning with two outs---again! Team of destiny? I think Donnie Baseball killed you today. In any case, your team is really fun to watch and I'd say you guys will pull away eventually and win your division.
Youtube games. The Fighting Artichokes-Hammocks game was a dandy with all kinds of scoring. Scoring the games for week 12 is going to take a long time...ugh
OC @ GE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4z3MODTNc4)
AB @ SC (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXZMWfZkQuA)
BH @ FA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcY0ae8hMS0)
Cunted!
Quote from: Dårky on 04/06/10, 03:45:00 PM
He always puts up good numbers, but he's a jinx. The AB's bench has no HR's and is not doing well at all---makes a difference with their 25 at-bats. Plus Brnsky is not having his best year in the power department. The AB's really don't have that much power after Ripken, and some of their power guys don't have the best contact and their power guys have not compensated by having huge years---even Bell. But---it all comes back to pitching and they are dead last by miles. They won't end up with the worst record though--the Artichokes will---they just don't have enough pop and the pitching is not best.
Yeah our bench last year was clutch, we ain't had **** this year.
And oh god my pitching blows like a ten cent hooker.
Also, Knight and Brunasty performing well below career numbers
Quote from: AlecTrevylan006 on 04/06/10, 06:15:09 PM
And oh god my pitching blows like MikeD on a cocksucking binge.
PBR = worst franchise in the history of ever
Tim Raines: League LVP?
They should call you Milli Vanilli, because you just wanna Blame it on the Raines
Poopydicks pull away from Blue Ribbons down the stretch, Gibson and Joyner have huge nights
Arkansas (AP) - With the Pabst Blue Ribbons clinging on to a slim 10-9 lead going into the 7th inning, the Poopydicks took things into another gear and outscored the Blue Ribbons 9-0 in the final 3 innings to win it 18-10.
The story of the day was the huge performances of Gibson and Joyner. K.Gibson went a perfect 6-6 with 3 doubles, a home run, 5 runs scored, and 4 RBI's. W.Joyner terrorized the Blue Ribbon pitching staff with 5 hits, 2 doubles, 3 HR's, and 7 RBI.
Another key factor was the long relief pitching of M.Krukow. He only allowed 2 runs in his 5 sharp innings of work and picked up the win.
The Poopydicks remain in sole possession of second place in the Dove RBI league and are two games behind the two time defending Dove RBI champions Galactic Empire. The two clubs will face off in week 13 in Phoenix.
Poopydicks 7-5, (5-2)
Pabst Blue Ribbons 5-7, (4-3)
Empire uses 9th inning magic once again, remain undefeated at home
Imperial Center (AP) - In a wild back and forth game in front of a record sellout crowd which featured plenty of offense and fireworks, the Empire once again dramatically won with two outs in the last inning as they overcame a 19-18 deficit to win 20-19.
Down 18-16 in the top of the 9th, the lethal OC Legions of Doom scored three runs off D.Robnsn to take a tight 19-18 lead. In the bottom of the 9th, Doran and Robnsn hit back-to-back triples and just like that the score was even at 19. J.Leonrd then hit a fly ball to RF, and D.Rbnsn was thrown out by a J.Rice seed. With two outs and in Empire late inning fashion once again, Shrdn singled off McDowl and Strwby doubled which put runners on second and third with two outs and Donnie Baseball coming up. Mtngly drilled the first pitch he saw to RF and Imperial Center Stadium erupted into mayhem as the Empire dugout cleared to mob Shrdn at home plate.
"That's what we do, find ways to win when the going gets tough---we are the Empire" stated a gleeful Darkside.
With the win at home, the Galactic Empire is now 7-0 at home, and have won 5 of those games in their last at-bat.
OC Legions of Doom 7-5, (4-3)
Galactic Empire 9-3, (4-2)
God almighty, that was a great game. I was one run away from mercy-ruling the bastards, and then they came back and pulled ahead...clutch hitting in the 9th put me up by 5 and a quick bottom of the 9th put it away. I got gunned down on my way to 3B 3 times!
Quote from: Turd on 04/07/10, 03:01:11 PM
I got gunned down on my way to 3B 3 times!
I recommend having your third base coach burned alive.
Fighting Ulrachers cruise over Alliance, move back into first place
Chicago (AP) - Like a cat toying with a mouse and allowing it just enough life to breathe, the Ulrachers defeated the Alliance in the same manner.
The Ulrachrs outscored the Alliance 13-3 from the third to fifth innings and went up 15-7. From there, every time the Alliance showed some life and scored, the Ulrachers responded to keep the game out of reach yet within reach at the same time, like a cat allowing a mouse to live painfully while on the cusp of death.
The Ulrachers took a 21-14 lead into the ninth inning and Gooden recorded two quick outs. But with two outs, the Alliance scored three runs and appeared to be staging a comeback. Gooden got Orosco to line out with Boggs on second to finally end the game.
The Ulrachers win, combined with the OC and Sally Cunts loss, moves them back into sole possession of first place by one game in the Gantry League. The Rebel Alliance drop into a third place tie with the Banana Hammocks and last year's number one pitching staff appears to be experiencing some turbulence with the Rebel Alliance and their version of mastering the Force.
Rebel Alliance 5-7, (4-4)
Fighting Ulrachers 8-4, (5-2)
Can we all agree that mclane and I are the smartest people ever for shifting our lineup? POOPYDICKS!
Quote from: Gantry on 04/07/10, 08:32:21 PM
Can we all agree that mclane and I are the smartest people ever for shifting our lineup? POOPYDICKS!
It's amazing. The Poopydicks have been a whole new team.
Also, Darky, you may very well have the better overall record, but we all know who leads the division.
POOPYDICKS!!!!
Too much momentum for the Poopydicks, if we can consistently hold our leads in games we will be unstoppable. UNSTOPPABLE!
Seriously, 11/12 for Joyner/Gibson after their awful start. We rule
Laudner hit for the cycle
This thread is about the Poopydicks, start you own if you want to drum up support for some douchebag team
Quote from: BeefMaster on 04/07/10, 03:03:42 PM
Quote from: Turd on 04/07/10, 03:01:11 PM
I got gunned down on my way to 3B 3 times!
I recommend having your third base coach burned alive.
Or at least replacing him with Scotty Ulger.
Banana Hammocks win wild shootout
Fort Dodge (AP) - Down 23-21 in the top of the 9th, the Banana Hammocks scored 7 unanswered runs off closer Reardn to win a fantastic 28-23 shootout.
After 6 explosive innings by both teams and the Dove RBI contest even at 17, the Hammocks scored 3 unanswered runs in the 7th and added another run in the 8th to go up 21-17. The Fighting Artichokes responded with 6 runs in the bottom half of the 8th to go up 23-21.
With a slim 23-21 lead in the top of the ninth, Reardn and his 19.7 ERA came in to preserve the win as a sense of panic and doubt filled the stadium. Eight hits and seven runs later which seemingly took place in between two breaths, the Hammocks were up 28-23. Dayley then came in out of the bullpen to nail the victory in the bottom of the 9th with the crowd at Fort Dodge Park roaring for the beloved Artichokes. The crowd was quickly silenced as Dayley allowed no runs and earned the victory.
The victory moves the Hammocks into a crucial 3rd place tie with the Alliance and have the edge to make the playoffs should the two teams end up that way at the end of the season---the Hammocks won the season series 2-1.
The loss by the Artichokes now gives them the distinct and odious honor of having the worst record in the league.
Banana Hammocks 5-7, (4-5)
Fighting Artichokes 3-9, (2-6)
Awesome Badasses cruise to victory, earn first divisional win
Minneapolis (AP) - With a 10-7 lead in the top of the 8th, the Awesome Badasses roughed up D.Smith for 6 runs and pulled away from the Sally Cunts to capture their first Gantry League victory by winning 16-8.
M.Scott (1-3) pitched brilliantly in long relief and earned his first victory as he only allowed 3 runs off 7 hits in his 5 sharp innings. The Sally Cunts only scored 3 runs after the 3rd inning and their lack of power this year has been their biggest detriment.
The Badasses bottom half of the lineup stepped up as they combined to go 10-15 and helped manufacture runs and scoring opportunities. J.Bell hit two homeruns and now has 14 for the year.
The loss by the Sally Cunts drops them into a second place tie with the OC Legions of Doom. The Sally Cunts only managed 17 total hits in 42 at-bats resulting in an anemic .404 average---well below the game average of all games played this year.
Awesome Badasses 4-8, (1-7)
Sally Cunts 7-5, (5-4)
Dave Smith = cunted?
ROFL!
Nice job there by our #1 and #2 picks, going a combined 2 for 10. Fuck Raines, he's the worst.
I will give you Greg Gagne for him...
lol
Too much? Sandberg?
Quote from: Mike D. on 04/08/10, 10:44:49 AM
Nice job there by our #1 and #2 picks, going a combined 2 for 10. Fuck Raines, he's the worst.
After a huge season by Raines last year, I expected more. Truly the worst pick in the draft.
The Poopydicks will treat him well, just needs a change of scenery. Thanks guys!