FRBI Week 22 - Final game of the regular season.

[Darky]

The Cunts have stumbled into the playoffs.  Darky, will you be doing stats before the playoffs start?

I'll try and have them by this weekend. As usual, I fell behind. Do you have your stats updated?

No.  I haven't looked at them.  The last time I did my stats you told me that you were going to redo them because you didn't trust my work.

No, I took that comment back since your stats were impeccable. It was only Ryno who slipped up. If you have the time to do it this week....the floor is yours.

[Nacho]

The Cunts have stumbled into the playoffs.  Darky, will you be doing stats before the playoffs start?

I'll try and have them by this weekend. As usual, I fell behind. Do you have your stats updated?

No.  I haven't looked at them.  The last time I did my stats you told me that you were going to redo them because you didn't trust my work.

No, I took that comment back since your stats were impeccable. It was only Ryno who slipped up. If you have the time to do it this week....the floor is yours.

If you can find me the most up-to-date Cunts stats and let me know which week I left off (i.e. which week to start going from), I'll try to do them.

[Darky]

Baines delivers heroic pinch hit shot in extra innings, catapults Blue Ribbons into the playoffs


Milwaukee (AP) - With two outs and the score tied up at 13 in a must win situation for the Pabst Blue Ribbons, Baines delivered a clutch 2-run pinch hit homerun to give the Blue Ribbons a slim 2-run lead going into the bottom half of the 10th. Kerfld finished the job by pitching a scoreless 10th. Kerfld was brilliant out of the pen as he pitched 2 scoreless innings with the season on the line.
The epic victory earned the Pabst Blue Ribbons the number 2 seed in the Gantry division and a birth in the divisional playoffs. Despite the loss and losing 4 out of their last 5 games down the stretch, the Banana Hammocks still managed to get into the playoffs in the Dove RBI Division since the Rebel Alliance failed to capitalize with a victory to end the season.

Asked to name a player on the Pabst Blue Ribbons, many spectators who were randomly questioned by the media could not come up with more than one name other than D.Baylor. The Namnlös team or No Name Squad may not have the star appeal of some other teams, but they have guts and have somehow quietly slipped into the playoffs on their strength of a 3 game winning streak and going 5-1 to close out the year. All year they hung around in ballgames to slip out narrow victories, and they did the same in the standings. Credit solid pitching, savvy coaching, and clutch hitting from unlikely hitters.

The Banana Hammocks, who are led by rookie owner Turd, will make their playoff debut in their first season in the prestigious FRBI League.

The Namnlös No Name Squad will make their first appearance in the playoffs.
In season IV, owner Ryno left his team (The Mexican Hermaphrodites) during the early part of the season, and his team was awarded to owner Darkside by then Commissioner Fightonusc, and the Galactic Empire was born. Owner Darkside made a fury of trades and was able to get the Empire to the WS by taking a paper airplane and turning it into a space shuttle. However, the Empire lost to GDavis due to the despicable pitching that Darkside had to work with.

The Pabst Blue Ribbons, who had the worst record in the league last year (7-15), will have the option advantage over the Fighting Ulrachers in the divisional playoffs.


Pabst Blue Ribbons 12-10, (8-4)
Banana Hammocks 9-13, (5-7)

[Darky]

OC Legions of Doom pull away and hold for victory over Fighting Artichokes, capture Gantry League title


Fort Dodge (AP) - Down 9-8 in the 8th inning and on the brink of elimination from the playoffs, the OC Legions of Doom reached for something extra and scored 5 runs to go up 13-9. McDowl only allowed 1 run in the bottom half of the 8th inning, and Worrel picked up the save as he pitched a scoreless 9th to seal a 13-10 victory for the OC and enabling them to win the Gantry League division title since they got some help.


McGwire, Wlfing, and Santiago each hit a pair of HR's to carry the bulk on offense. The OC got great RP as their bullpen only allowed 1 run in the final two innings. The OC limited the Artichokes to only 1 run after the 5th inning.

The two time FRBI champion OC Legions of Doom are back in the playoffs after a 2 season absence---under the banner of the OC. The Unholy Legions of Doom, who were led by BeefMaster, made the playoffs last year, but made a shocking first round exit to last year's cinderella story Artichokes. So the win meant a lot to BeefMaster. Together, the OC and Legions of Doom have 4 WS appearances between them and 2 titles. The two organizations merged this season and with their combined philosophies, they accomplished a degree of great success so far.

The Fighting Artichokes finish the regular season with the worst record in the history of the FRBI league at 6-16. The disappointing year of Reggie Jackson and the SP were key factors---as well as the lack of pop in the lineup. The Artichokes will be looking forward to next season when they will play in their new and innovative stadium.


OC Legions of Doom 13-9, (6-6)
Fighting Artichokes 6-16, (3-9)

[Mike D.]

Darky, you said if the Cunts win, they're in.  We won, now you say we're NOT in?  Fuck this league.

[Darky]

Darky, you said if the Cunts win, they're in.  We won, now you say we're NOT in?  Fuck this league.

I said you needed a win then ran down the scenarios---like for the PBR to lose and the OC to lose along with other scenarios. Did you miss that part? I never said that only a win would mean that the Cunts would be in---you guys needed help and it did not come.
Read the posts more carefully next time and have an idea---that is why I post the standings and made every effort in the last two season weeks to let everybody know EXACTLY what was going on.

Also, where is your evidence that I said this? I think I made a mistake about the Blue Ribbons chances back in week 19, then I corrected that after I examined everything more carefully. You guys will need to regroup in the offseason...imho. The Cunts still did well, but the Gantry League was really strong this year.

[Gantry]

I think we need to avoid the Galactic Empire in the playoffs

[Darky]

I think we need to avoid the Galactic Empire in the playoffs

I was really expecting a tight game there in the season finale. Apparently that loss to the Badasses that ruined our home winning streak shook up the guys pretty good. One of those needed losses to put things into perspective. And your team just happened to be in the way. Nothing personal, that is what the Galactic Empire does.

Also Gantry/McLane----think about whether or not you want home or visitor advantage vs the Hammocks in the divisional playoffs.

[Nacho]

Wait, the Cunts are NOT in the playoffs?  This is total bullshit, Darky said we were in with a win OR a PBR loss.  What a crock of shit.

[Darky]

Wait, the Cunts are NOT in the playoffs?  This is total bullshit, Darky said we were in with a win OR a PBR loss.  What a crock of shit.

Sorry buddy. I made a mistake and spoke off the top of my head. After a closer examination, I gave the lowdown. Not my fault you guys missed the playoffs. Blame your 7-8 hole...and Raines....and Sabes. Fire your scouts...imo. You'll get 'em next year. Enjoy the playoffs....

[Nacho]

Needless to say that the Cunts will have a vastly different cast of characters next season.

[Darky]

Needless to say that the Cunts will have a vastly different cast of characters next season.

You guys were 12-10 and had a good year. Viola should be a lock for the Cy Young. Maybe if Raines had a better year, you're 13-9. You did play in a tough division and you've had winning records the last 3 seasons. You're well respected in the FRBI world.

[Gantry]

Raines is the worst

[fknmclane]

Also Gantry/McLane----think about whether or not you want home or visitor advantage vs the Hammocks in the divisional playoffs.

Your call, Gantry.  DON'T SCREW UP!

[Darky]

Sally Cunts win must win game, but don't get help and miss playoffs. Rebel Alliance falters in must win, misses playoffs


Madison (AP) - In a must win situation for both teams, the Sally Cunts clutched up and did their part while the Rebel Alliance stumbled and let a great opportunity slip away.

Down 5-0 in the top of the 4th inning, T.Raines hit a grand slam and D.Murphy capped off the 9-run inning with his second homer of the inning to give the Cunts a 9-4 lead. The Rebel Alliance responded with 5 runs to even the do or die contest at 9.

The Cunts scored a run in the 5th and exploded for an 8-run innings in the 6th to go up 18-9 which was enough to hold on for the rest of the game. The Alliance did threaten in the 9th, but A.Trammel grounded out to end the season for the Alliance as the Cunts won 20-17.

The Rebel Alliance were in great position to make the playoffs since the Banana Hammocks lost their crucial game. Destiny was in the hands of the Alliance, but they failed to earn a victory over a prideful Cunts who were playing for their lives. The Alliance ended up tied in the standings with the Hammocks, but lost the season series.

The defending Gantry League and Division champion Sally Cunts will not participate in the playoffs as they were the odd team out due to the second level of tiebreakers. The Cunts, Ulrachers, and Blue Ribbons all ended the season with a 12-10 record. The Ulrachers won the season series over the Cunts, but lost the season series to the Blue Ribbons. The Cunts won the season series over the Blue Ribbons, but lost the season series to the Ulrachers. To clear up the logjam, the second tier tiebreaker (league record) was applied and it came down to the Cunts and Blue Ribbons. The Blue Ribbons won the tiebreaker with their 8-4 Gantry division record. The Cunts were 7-5 in the division.

Despite swirling rumors that the Cunts only needed to win, Snopes confirmed that it was only a rumor and no basis for truth. Owners Nacho and Mike D were enraged, but emotions were quickly eased as FRBI Commissioner Darkside explained things and showed the rules that determined tiebreakers.

The Rebel Alliance limped down the stretch as they went 1-4 and lost their last two games. A huge disappointment was the pitching of last year's championship pitching staff who did not enjoy the same success as they did with the Empire. The lack of power and speed did not help the Alliance's cause as well, and whispers around the league implied that the players were not thrilled with RePeat's pitching methodology and Barton's lack of expertise.

The Sally Cunts were maybe a couple of hits away from the playoffs, but playing in the tough Gantry League left little room for error. The Banana Hammocks are playoff bound at 9-13, while the Cunts will watch the playoffs from home with their 12-10 record.

Sally Cunts 12-10, (7-5)  
Rebel Alliance 9-13, (6-6)

[Gantry]

We want home

[Darky]

Galactic Empire makes strong statement, mercy rule playoff bound Poopydicks


Phoenix (AP) - After a humiliating loss at home to the Badasses in week 21, the Galactic Empire regrouped and showed the league that sound and inspired baseball will be needed to dethrone the defending FRBI champion. The Empire won their 6th straight ballgame over the Poopydicks by mercy ruling them 15-3 in six innings. Dating back to season IV, the Empire is 6-0 all-time versus the Poopydicks. The Poopydicks were not in the league last season.

R.Sutclf pitched masterfully in his outing as he had his assortment of pitches working and only allowed 3 runs off 11 hits in six innings. Sutclf also went 2-4 at the plate with a RBI triple. Also leading the way, G.Gaetti went 4-4 with 3 RBI coming off a double and a HR while D.Strwby went 4-5 with a HR and 3 RBI.

The Poopydicks will be facing the Banana Hammocks in the Dove RBI Divisional playoffs. The winner will have the gargantuan task of defeating the Empire.
The Empire will have option advantage throughout the playoffs and for the second season in a row, they ended the regular season with the best record. The Galactic Empire (16-6) set a FRBI record for most wins in a regular season as they eclipsed last year's record of 15-7. In two seasons, the Empire have been in first place in the Dove RBI league an astounding 43/44 weeks. They will be heavy favorites to win it all according to most observers and advanced scouts. "We are a team of destiny this year with all of our improbable comeback wins on our last at-bats with two outs, we have players who take great pride representing our winning program, we have a superior scouting staff, and we have The Look", said owner Darkside who is in the midst of building a dynasty in the FRBI league.


Galactic Empire 16-6, (9-3)
Poopydicks 12-10, (7-5)

[fknmclane]

We want home

Good call.  The Turd Bowl has been good to us.