Official Fantasy RBI Week 5 Thread

[fightonusc]

Last Week:

Gantry Division:

GDavis 13, The Nimrods 11

Doverbi Division:

Poopydicks 20, Attarack 10 (6)

Interdivision:

CommieHitlers 20, The OC 18
Mexican Hermaphrodite Whores 22, Hip Young Popes 11 (6)
Frank Tanana All-Stars 25 @ The Coprophiliacs 18

Standings:

Gantry Division:

1. The Empire, 3-1 (+20 RD)
t2. The OC, 2-2 (+16)
t2. GDavis, 2-2 (-3)
t4. The Coprophiliacs, 1-3 (-19)
t4. The Nimrods, 1-3 (-21)

Doverbi Division:

1. The Poopydicks, 4-0 (48)
t2. Hip Young Popes, 2-2 (-2)
t2. The CommieHitlers, 2-2 (-3)
t2. Attarack, 2-2 (-8)
5. The Frank Tanana All-Stars, 1-3 (-8)

This Week:

Gantry Division:

GDavis @ The Empire

Doverbi Division:

The CommieHitlers @ The Poopydicks

Interdivision:

The OC @ The Frank Tanana All-Stars
The Nimrods @ Attarack
The Hip Young Popes @ The Coprophiliacs

This week's ROM is attached...

[fightonusc]

League Leaders:

BA

1. E. Davis (U7), .889
2. Dawson (Pd), .833
3. Downing (Pd), .800
4. K. Hernandez (Co), .778
5. Spilman (Gd), .769
6. Kruk (Ch), .750
7. Burleson (Oc), .722
t8. Brenly (Pd) and Brookens (Pd), .700
t10. Schofield (Hp) and Wilfong (Pd), .692

HR

t1. E. Davis (U7) and Murphy (Em), 6
t3. Dawson (Pd), K. Hernandez (Co), Mattingly (Em), Hendrick (U7) and Guerrero (Em), 5
t8. Bell (Gd), Boggs (Em), Brunansky (Oc) and Canseco (Ch), 4

RBI

1. Murphy (Em), 14
2. Dawson (Pd), 13
t3. E. Davis (U7) and K. Hernandez (Co), 12
5. Maldanado (Ftas), 11
t6. Armas (Gd), Guerrero (Em), Canseco (Ch) and Jackson (Oc), 10
t10. Brenly (Pd), Mattingly (Em), Brunansky (OC), Henderson (Co) and Puckett (Ftas), 9

R

1. Mattingly (Em), 12
t2. Sheridan (Oc), Brunansky (Oc) and Guerrero (Em), 11
t5. Dawson (Pd), E. Davis (U7), Murphy (Em) and Lopes (U7), 10
t9. Bell (Gd) and Da. Evans (Co), 9

SLG

1. Dawson (Pd), 2.417
2. E. Davis (U7), 2.167
3. K. Hernandez (Co), 1.778
4. Armas (Gd), 1.667
t5. Downing (Pd) and Bell (Gd), 1.600
7. Murphy (Em), 1.545
8. Sheridan (Oc), 1.524
t9. Brenly (Pd) and Speier (Pd), 1.500

OPS

1. Dawson (Pd), 3.250
2. E. Davis (U7), 3.056
3. K. Hernandez (Co), 2.556
4. Downing (Pd), 2.400
5. Armas (Gd), 2.333
t6. Bell (Gd) and Brenly (Pd), 2.200
8. Sheridan (Oc), 2.190
9. Spilman (Gd), 2.154
10. Kruk (Ch), 2.125

[TβG]

look at sheridan ripping it up when he gets a chance.  what a great leadoff hitter.

[fightonusc]

look at sheridan ripping it up when he gets a chance.  what a great leadoff hitter.

No fair picking on EDF when he's not here to defend himself...

[Darky]

Stockholm, Sweden (CNN International) – The Empire will be making it's highly anticipated debut this week.  The Empire will be at home to a sellout crowd against the 2-2 GDavis. Swedish actor Dolph Lundgren(Drago) will be throwing out the first pitch.

Team work outs have been crisp and very demanding. nomaa has brought a new vigor to the team formerly known as the Mexican Hermaphrodite Whores. In a scrimmage game against the Rebel Alliance, The Empire easily cruised to a 29-0 win after 2 innings.

The Darkside had these brief comments in a statement, "We are very familiar with the strengths and weaknesses of GDavis. Their top three hitters in the lineup can make all the difference in the universe. If they go, so goes the rest of the lineup. They can put up some crooked numbers in a hurry. We feel that we have structured a pitching strategy to minimize their power.
Their pitching does not worry us nor will any pitching staff worry us. Jimmy Key has a very deceptive fastball, but we feel our hitters should have a productive day.

Due to Jim Lindeman's work ethic, Lukenomaa and I have elected to put him on the bench in favor of a more heads up Lenny Dykstra. Our official line up is as follows" :

1. Lenny Dykstra
2. Wade Boggs
3. Don Mattingly
4. Dale Murphy
5. Pedro Guerrero
6. Wally Joyner
7. Terry Pendleton
8. Tony Pena

Bench:
1. Ryne Sandberg
2. Jim Lindeman
3. Mookie Wilson
4. Jose Cruz

Pitching:
Bobby Ojeda
Mike Krukow
Eric King
Calvin Schiraldi

[fightonusc]

The GDavis @ The Empire game is now complete. Game video is attached. Box score and recap to follow.

[ultimate7]

look at sheridan ripping it up when he gets a chance.  what a great leadoff hitter.

No fair picking on EDF when he's not here to defend himself...

Though, I'm sure he'd be quite pleased at the performance of his namesake

[fightonusc]

GDavis Spoils Debut of The Empire, Wins 24-23

DEE NEE CITY - A bizarre fielding play on a double by Gene Larkin in the eighth inning turned out to be the difference as GDavis played spoiler in the Fantasy RBI League debut of The Empire on Sunday night, taking a 24-23 decision in front of a packed house at Tengen Stadium. The Empire is the new team name of the former Mexican Hermaphrodite Whores, who were taken over by Swedish playboy Dark Side after the disappearance of former owner Ryno.

Larkin hit a double into the right field corner that would have kept the slow-footed Matt Nokes at third base. However, ther ball became wedged in a crevice in right field, and when Pedro Guerrero attempted to throw the ball back into the infield, the ball hit the railing twice, the second time bounding the bleachers. Tragically, one spectator was killed and three others were injured as the ball appeared to travel and estimated 340 mph as it ricocheted through the concourse.

Empire players, who had previously seen their team placed under league control, had mixed emotions about their new owner.

"It's good to see a baseball person in charge of the team, but man, that guy is weird,' said Empire shortstop Terry Pendleton after the game. "We weren't able to take any batting practice because Dark Side decided to give us a pregame speech. I didn't think it would last 45 minutes, and I'm still not sure what the Lost City of Atlantis, the Illuminti or former "Emergency!" star Randolph Mantooth had to do with any of it."

"And the food, let's not even get into that," added Wade Boggs. "I thought Ryno's buffet spread was bad, but I'll take collard greens and hog's feet over roast suckling pig, kringlors and seven-day old lutefisk any day of the week."

Tony Armas led GDavis (3-2) by going 5 for 7 with two home runs and six RBI. Jesse Orosco picked up the win in relief, while Dave Righetti pitched a perfect ninth to pick up his first save of the season.

Don Mattingly and Tony Pena each homered twice for The Empire (3-2) in defeat.

[BDawk]

Pedro Guerrero sent me a text:

If this guy says 80s at eight one more time, I'll kill him

[GDavis]

Welcome to the big leagues, Meat.

[fightonusc]

Pedro Guerrero sent me a text:

If this guy says 80s at eight one more time, I'll kill him

I call bullshit. I'm positive that Pedro Guerrero doesn't know how to operate a Blackberry, cell phone or any kind of text messaging device, much less spell "eight" correctly.

[fknmclane]

Eight ball?

[fightonusc]

Eight ball?

Touche, although, again, I still think Pedro would spell it as "ait ball"

[BDawk]

Pedro Guerrero sent me a text:

If this guy says 80s at eight one more time, I'll kill him

I call bullshit. I'm positive that Pedro Guerrero doesn't know how to operate a Blackberry, cell phone or any kind of text messaging device, much less spell "eight" correctly.

Well, he didn't text those exact words...I did have to interpret this a little:

"Ho dat atees a tayt all fukeeng tim?="

[Nacho]

Pedro Guerrero sent me a text:

If this guy says 80s at eight one more time, I'll kill him

I call bullshit. I'm positive that Pedro Guerrero doesn't know how to operate a Blackberry, cell phone or any kind of text messaging device, much less spell "eight" correctly.

Well, he didn't text those exact words...I did have to interpret this a little:

"Ho dat atees a tayt all fukeeng tim?="

Wait... Did BDawk just make me laugh?  I'm so confused.... I'm so... scared.

[ultimate7]

The official BS will show Tudor getting the W, and will also show only 9 innings pitched by GD.

[fightonusc]

The official BS will show Tudor getting the W, and will also show only 9 innings pitched by GD.

Thanks. I knew it looked wrong but couldn't work out what was going on with it.

[fknmclane]

Please bring the CommieHitlers to the chopping block.

[moses]

GDavis-HI

[Darky]

                                                          Post Game Press Conference


(Breath, breath.) The Empire would first like to apologize to our fans and sponsors for not being victorious in our home opener. We battled hard and showed great resiliency, but we came up short in the ninth inning. The Force was indeed strong in GDavis and his RBI Jedi Knights Tony Armas and Jack Clark.
We have a lot of work to accomplish in order to play disciplined and flawless baseball . The mental errors on offense and defense were the deciding factors in our defeat. We had some unacceptable mental errors, and if not for the terms and conditions set by the RBI Governing body, Pedro Guerrero would have been executed by my bounty hunter directly after the game.

Q: What do you think of the fiasco over Pedro Guerrero's throwing error on the railing and the tragic death of a fan?

A: (Breath, breath.) You will address me as Lord Darkside. I am a Dark Lord of the Sith. In answer to your question, Pedro has to realize that he is no longer in the Dominican League, and that kind of mental throwing error is completely unacceptable. His stupidity clearly does not reflect what we demand. He struck out with the bases loaded the previous inning, and he allowed to take a horrible at bat out into the field. I shall determine his punishment and that will stay private. Clambutt shall be resurrected by this evening and Pedro has apologized for killing him.

Q: What is your response to accusations that the you have been described as "weird or uncanny" and that the players are not very pleased with the clubhouse table spread?

A: (Breath, breath.) I am strong with the Force. I am trained in the ways of the Force, and I have hired a team of bounty starhole blasters to deal with my critics. As for the food, I have terminated and executed our team chef Erhajj and his vegan ways. We have appointed the Swedish Chef to make the necessary arrangements to meet our wishes and desires for the clubhouse table spread.

Q: What is your response to my critique and the criticisms of your sponsors who have expressed concerns that you may not win the RBI Fantasy League with your totalitarian style of management which has the players on edge a bit?

A: (Breath, breath.) Things are going perfectly according to our plans. I find your lack of faith disturbing.
There is still a lot of baseball left. I am strong with the Force and I shall take all necessary measures to insure that our players will be trained quickly and diligently in the ways of the Force. I am their father! No further questions. May the Force bless our Empire.