Fantasy RBI Baseball Tonight: Monday, May 15

[fightonusc]

Fantasy RBI Baseball Tonight is brought to you by Mastercard – when you need to go into crippling debt to buy a cat, use Mastercard. And by Del Taco – it's not Taco Bell, but it's cheaper.

: Welcome to Fantasy RBI Baseball Tonight. This is Karl Ravech. I'm joined as usual by Harold Reynolds. Peter Gammons is off tonight getting his biannual blood transfusion. Joining us in his place is RBI Baseball legend and current ESPN analyst Rick Sutcliffe. Thanks for joining us, Rick.

: HEY! Itsh good ta be here!

: Wow Rick, I guess you're excited to be here. Start celebrating early?

: Yeah, I was out at the bar at thixth this mornin with mah good frwiend Bill Murray. We're hammered!

: Well, good to hear that you're excited to be here. Tonight, we're taking a look at the race for the Fantasy RBI playoffs as there are only three weeks left in the regular season. Remember that the top two teams in each Division make the playoffs – everyone else goes home. Let's refresh our memories on the standings up through this point:

Gantry Division:

1. Creamy Pirates: 7-3
2. The OC: 6-4
3. The South Arkansas Penis: 5-5
4. THE Parish State University: 4-6
5. The Nimrods: 3-7

Doverbi Division:

1. Frank Tanana All-Stars: 7-3
2. The Poopydicks: 6-4
3. The Fighting Tony Danzas: 5-6
4. The Unholy Legions of Doom: 4-6
5. The Hip Young Popes: 3-6

: Let's start with the Gantry Division. The Creamy Pirates are looking like a lock for one playoff spot. The OC has a one-game lead over The South Arkansas Penis for the other spot. Harold, is there any chance that The South Arkansas Penis could catch The OC?

: Sure, there's always a chance. But it's going to be tough. Remember that The OC defeated The South Arkansas Penis in Week 5. They play again in Week 13, and The South Arkansas Penis has to win this game to have any chance of catching The OC. Plus, the other two games The OC has are against The Hip Young Popes and THE Parish State University – two games they should win.

: HEY! Never count out the Penish! Heh, Penish...

: Anything else you'd like to add, Rick?

: Penish...penish...penish...

: Well, thanks for stopping by, Rick! Back to the matters at hand...

: PENIS! HAND! PENISHAND! Arghhh!

: Can someone cut off his mic? Anyway, let's shift attention to the Doverbi Division, where much like The Creamy Pirates, the Frank Tanana All-Stars have all but clinched one playoff spot. The Poopydicks are the only other team with a winning record – can anyone else catch them?

:  Absolutely. Even though The Poopydicks are hot right now...

<from off-camera> :Get yer hot Poopydicks right here!

: God damn it, get him out of here. Break his kneecaps if you have to...

: ...even though the Poopydicks are hot right now, they have a brutal schedule to end the season. Their final two games are against The Creamy Pirates and the Frank Tanana All-Stars – the two Division leaders. And this week, they play against The Fighting Tony Danzas – who've already beat them once this season.

: So anything is possible here?

: Absolutely. The Fighting Tony Danzas finish the season against The Hip Young Popes, who are playing criminally bad right now. If The Fighting Tony Danzas win against The Poopydicks, that likely means that the Poopydicks would have to beat either of the two Division leaders to get a playoff spot. And let me tell you, when you're fighting for a playoff spot, that's a lot of pressure?

: Interesting point, Harold. Let's wrap up by...wait, I'm getting word that Peter Gammons is phoning us from his recuperation facility in Ponte Verde, Florida, with some breaking news. Should we just patch him in? Peter, are you there?

: Hey, I just wanted to ask something: when was one of Harold's teams ever fighting for a playoff spot?

...

: Was it in Babe Ruth Baseball? Do they have playoffs in Babe Ruth Baseball?

: I hate you so much. I hope you break your hip slipping on a bar of soap tonight and die a slow, painful death.

: Well, glad to see the old chemistry is still there. For everyone here, thanks for watching. Up next on ESPN2 is Part 14 of "The World's Strongest NASCAR Tire Changer."

[fknmclane]

The Poopydicks will do the unthinkable and take over first place in the division. 

Also, there can never be enough RBI Baseball Tonight. Well done, fighton.

[TβG]

gold.  great job fighton!

[Gerlost]

A fine write-up.  Harold and Peter have never been closer.

Though I think it would have better to say that the Hip Young Popes are "sinfully" bad.

[fightonusc]

A fine write-up.  Harold and Peter have never been closer.

Though I think it would have better to say that the Hip Young Popes are "sinfully" bad.

Harold's not that smart.

[nomaaa]

i applaud you.

[Gantry]

The RBI boards has become the greatest place ever in the last 7 days.  The quality threads don't stop...