Official Fantasy RBI Week 5 Thread

[GDavis]

                                                          Post Game Press Conference


(Breath, breath.) The Empire would first like to apologize to our fans and sponsors for not being victorious in our home opener. We battled hard and showed great resiliency, but we came up short in the ninth inning. The Force was indeed strong in GDavis and his RBI Jedi Knights Tony Armas and Jack Clark.
We have a lot of work to accomplish in order to play disciplined and flawless baseball . The mental errors on offense and defense were the deciding factors in our defeat. We had some unacceptable mental errors, and if not for the terms and conditions set by the RBI Governing body, Pedro Guerrero would have been executed by my bounty hunter directly after the game.

Q: What do you think of the fiasco over Pedro Guerrero's throwing error on the railing and the tragic death of a fan?

A: (Breath, breath.) You will address me as Lord Darkside. I am a Dark Lord of the Sith. In answer to your question, Pedro has to realize that he is no longer in the Dominican League, and that kind of mental throwing error is completely unacceptable. His stupidity clearly does not reflect what we demand. He struck out with the bases loaded the previous inning, and he allowed to take a horrible at bat out into the field. I shall determine his punishment and that will stay private. Clambutt shall be resurrected by this evening and Pedro has apologized for killing him.

Q: What is your response to accusations that the you have been described as "weird or uncanny" and that the players are not very pleased with the clubhouse table spread?

A: (Breath, breath.) I am strong with the Force. I am trained in the ways of the Force, and I have hired a team of bounty starhole blasters to deal with my critics. As for the food, I have terminated and executed our team chef Erhajj and his vegan ways. We have appointed the Swedish Chef to make the necessary arrangements to meet our wishes and desires for the clubhouse table spread.

Q: What is your response to my critique and the criticisms of your sponsors who have expressed concerns that you may not win the RBI Fantasy League with your totalitarian style of management which has the players on edge a bit?

A: (Breath, breath.) Things are going perfectly according to our plans. I find your lack of faith disturbing.
There is still a lot of baseball left. I am strong with the Force and I shall take all necessary measures to insure that our players will be trained quickly and diligently in the ways of the Force. I am their father! No further questions. May the Force bless our Empire.




GDavis and moses own my ass

[fightonusc]

The CommieHitlers @ The Poopydicks game is complete. Game video attached, box score and recap to follow.

[Nacho]

That was the worst defensive showing of all time.  This league is fkn rigged.  Rigged I say!

[ultimate7]

Yes, that slaughter was clearly your defense's fault

[fightonusc]

The Poopydicks Thump The CommieHitlers in Eight Innings, 27-15

DEE-NEE CITY - Brian Downing hit three of his team's 12 total home runs and drove in six as The Poopydicks cruised to another mercy rule victory on Monday night, this on a 27-15 decision over The CommieHitlers in a game played at Tengen Stadium.

The CommieHitlers (2-3) showed some moxie in rallying from a 14-5 deficit to cut the gap to five runs after seven innings. But The Poopydicks responded with seven runs in the eighth inning, icing the game on Tom Brooken's three-run homer.

After the game, CommieHitler's owner Nacho was asked to appraise Downing's hitting performance against his team.

"What's my opinion of Downing's performance!? What the fuck do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was FUCKING HORSESHIT!," Nacho said. "Put that in, I don't fucking care. Opinion of his performance!!? Shit, he beat us with three fucking home runs! What the fuck do you mean, 'What is my opinion of his performance?' How could you ask me a question like that, 'What is my opinion of his performance?' Shit, he hit three home runs! Shit. I'm fucking pissed off to lose the fucking game. And you ask me my opinion of his performance! Shit. That's a tough question to ask me, isn't it? 'What is my opinion of his performance?'"

Nacho later had to be calmed down by club officials by being taken to the training area, where he took a hot bath with a vanilla bath bomb and listened to some relaxing Carole King records.

Ruppert Jones, Andre Dawson and Rob Wilfong all homered twice for The Poopydicks (5-0), who are in danger of running away with the Doverbi Division title. Jose Canseco and Alan Trammell each hit two home runs for The CommieHitlers in defeat.

[fknmclane]

Gantry and I let Doyle go 8 innings because let's face it, our starting pitching hasn't gotten a whole lot of work thus far this season.

POOPYDICKS!

[Gantry]

Indeed, Doyle Alexander needed a little more work.  What did I say about that fucker mclane?  I knew he'd be a stud this year, too early to say Cy Young? 

And seriously, Andre Dawson is really fkn good.  This fantasy RBI thing rules...

POOPYDICKS!!!

[TβG]

holy crap.  now i don't feel so bad for giving mclane so much grief today in atg. 

here's to a second-half collapse.

[Nacho]

That was a good recap, fighton.  I do use the word "horseshit" pretty often.

[Darky]

Darkside: Yes, Admiral?
Admiral Piett: Our ships have sighted the The Poopydicks for next weeks game on the schedule, Lord. But they are on a terror and Doyle Alexander's assortment of pitches is like an asteroid field and we can not risk...
Darkside: Asteroids and Poopydicks do not concern me, Admiral. I want the Poopydicks and Doyle now, not excuses.

[fightonusc]

The OC @ The Frank Tanana All-Stars game is complete. And let me tell you, it's a good one. Game video attached...

[fightonusc]

Carter Lifts The Frank Tanana All-Stars Over The OC, 15-14

DEE NEE CITY - Gary Carter's two-run, walk off home run off of Bob Stanley gave The Frank Tanana All-Stars a dramatic 15-14 victory over The OC in a Fantasy RBI League game played Wednesday night at Tengen Stadium.

"Hey, it's not about me at all - I'm just trying to do what I can to help the team win," said Carter, knocking over teammates in the clubhouse after the game to get to reporters. "I think that's one of my defining traits - my humble nature. In fact, if you wanted to write a feature article highlighting me, that would be a good place to start!"

The OC (2-3) appeared to have the game in hand after taking a 10-5 lead in the fifth inning. But The Frank Tanana All-Stars (2-3) rallied to pull within one run in the sixth inning with four runs - three off of fading starter Dwight Gooden.

Chili Davis homered, scored four and drove in three as part of a 4-for-5 performance to pace the Frank Tanana All-Star's attack. Will Clark homered and collected three hits to lead The OC.

[TβG]

seriously, wtf.  bdawk, stay tuned for a line-up change recommendation from me.

shooty:  what do you think about grich and cox for saberhagen and schmidt?

[BDawk]

I say we bench reggie to shake these fuckers up

[ultimate7]

Does everyone think that Shooty has a learning disability because he is Canadian?

Hey Shooty how about Uribe and Sutcliffe for Saberhagen and McGwire

[fightonusc]

To be fair, Schmidt has been sucking ass this season and never really has been a huge Fantasy performer.

[Darky]

seriously, wtf.  bdawk, lets hit the panic button.

Gary Carter saves his only hit for the game for a walk off. Sloppy game defensively. It did go by quick. Howard Johnson in the 3 hole shooty? Fuckin Canadians think they know ball.


TBG/BDawk, I am all ears if Reggie is in the mix. Anyone want to wheel and deal? Just let me know.

[TβG]

darky, why don't you offer something...

[GDavis]

I may be convinced to part with Tits and Ass (Armas).  Send me some offers.

[Darky]

Mookie, Sandberg, and Pendleton are up on the block sepeartely or in package form. Anyone interested?