Official Columbus Tournament Stories/Thoughts Thread

[malnuboy]

THE OFFICIAL SAT NT./SUNDAY MORNING ESCORT STORY

Around 4 AM we have to leave the pool area due to police precense, alot of us got to room 232 to drink more, I am about to pass out and Attabozzel says don't pass out man I'm getting a stripper. Atta and I go to the hotel desk and ask for a phone book we then proceed to look up escort services right in front of the clerk. Atta calls a bunch of them and finally finds one that will show up, I explain to him that I don't have much money left( i had 80 dollars but I wanted it to last). He says it doesn't matter cuz he is paying.

At this point Atta needs to go to an ATM and wants someone to go with him, seeing as how he had earlier driven to the McD's I assumed he was driving to an atm, but no this would be way to simple. Drunken logic prevailing he comes up with a plan to take the airport shuttle to the airport because it has an atm, I love the sound of this so I agree to go with him. The shuttle is empty and we get on, I have no shoes on and just rocking a Malone jersey complete with cut off shorts. All of sudden 8 senior citezins get on the shuttle and I start talking to them, I asked them we they were flying to, they said "florida what about you" I said we were just using the shuttle to get to the atm so Atta can get the money for the escort, they look suprised. We get to the airport and I help the old timers with their luggage while Atta runs to the atm, I ask the shuttle driver to stay until Atta gets back and he agrees, probaly cuz I helped with the luggage. 5 minutes have passed and their is no sigh of Atta, the driver gets a few calls on the CB and says he has to go, I say ok no problem. I then walk into the airport with no luggage and no shoes to find Atta, I get a few strange looks before I see Atta walking towards me yelling that his atm has some gay limit. He says he needs just twenty more dollars so I give it to him. We catch cab back to hotel.

Get back to hotel and await escort, I'm convinced she aint coming but Atta thinks otherwise. He calls the front desk and asks the dude to call him when the whore shows. Ten minutes later we get the call and a minute later two bitches and some huge dude are at our door. First thing she says is "for another 100 we can get my friend(other woman) involved" at this point I know we are fucked cuz the big dude took Atta's money first and apparently that was just to get her in the door, she then tells us she works for tips. Collectivly we are down to my last 60 dollars. Lots of akward silence so I break it with a suggestion that the big dude play some RBI which he did. Not being at all familar we these whores/strippers I just come right out and say we only have 60 bucks and I put it on the bed, she looks very dissapointed and says I should go get more from an atm(which I was no way in hell doing). More akward silence and I turn around and the big dude is getting his ass kicked in RBI, I started laughing hard. At this point I have to get out of the room and tell them I'm going to try and get money, I leave and proceed to talk to Nightwulf, Gantry, and FightOn in the parking lot for ten minutes. I go back in to the desk and ask the clerk to call my room and give me the phone, Atta picks up and I tell him I got nothing, he tells me to get to the room now. I go back to the room and apparently the stripper is cutting her losses and has agreed to do some gay 15 minute dance for what we gave. The whole situation is so crazy the big dude is pissed and has stopped playing RBI, Baines is just laughing on the bed, TBT is passed out, and this girl is doing some dance for me and Atta. She finishes up and then says sorry that we didn't have more money and leaves, Its about 6 AM and the sun is coming up.

Atta is pissed the stripper didn't have a good ass, not that it really mattered as we had no money. I upset with the fact that 80 dollars got me a 2 minute worthless dance while lying down in between the beds.

Thats about it, it should be noted that before she realized we had no money one thing she suggested was that we get under different blankets and jerk off while she goes to each guy to "help them cum", do dudes actually do this, how the fuck can you rub one out with three other dudes in the same room not to mention the fact they are beating off as well.

[TbT]

if that shit happened with 3 guys rubbbing one out, i woulda been more than happy to stay passed out...i was awake for about 2 minutes of the whole thing...i remember wumpst walking it, and then promptly leaving 

[Big Hath]

I'm dying laughing here at work

[Gantry]

Was the other stripper older?  I remember being in love with her, which tends to happen with heavily tattooed women when I'm drunk.  It wasn't enough to keep me in the room though...

Well done with the story malnu...  If people couldn't tell, Malnu (like Baines) were always up for shit no matter what was happening.  Both are my internet friend heroes...

[BDawk]

she suggested was that we get under different blankets and jerk off while she goes to each guy to "help them cum",

She is marriage material

[Flood]

Well done with the story malnu... If people couldn't tell, Malnu (like Baines) were always up for shit no matter what was happening. Both are my internet friend heroes...

ditto

[malnuboy]

life goals:

Eat some Taco Bell with Gantry - check

[BeeJay]

I was then forced to "cannonball" some vodka(I hate vodka).

I can't stop laughing at this.  Imagining Rdub and MikeD doing their best Bill Murray impression, while making Malnu chug Vodka, is priceless.

[Baines]

I nominate Wumpst walking in on the hooker as the #1 moment of the trip.

[malnuboy]

I nominate Wumpst walking in on the hooker as the #1 moment of the trip.

thats a tough call, mine just might be Lips playing the role of Chair Nazi, and myself being his loyal Gastapo.

[Baines]

thats a tough call, mine just might be Lips playing the role of Chair Nazi, and myself being his loyal Gastapo.

Good point.  Lips was hilarious that night.  Definitely the guy I want protecting my chair/umbrella/cab/time.

[Mike D.]

BeeJay is going to show up around 5PM today.  So I heard.

[Mike D.]

Oh yeah, I had a runny nose all weekend (go figure) and got a lap dance from a stripper who repeatedly rubbed her cleavage on my nose.  Gross?  Hot?  Both.

[T Roogs]

pics?

[fknmclane]

I would love to fuck her snot filled boobs but not in the normal way a man would fuck snot filled boobs...much different.  I'd also eat her bucket of AIDS.

[Mike D.]

Forgot about those quotes.

"But not in the normal man having sex with a dead horse way, more in a man having sex with dead horse in a weird kind of way."

[Mike D.]

One of my other favorite stories:

Whenever Nightwulf walked into the room, either myself or RDub would have to make a noise like a thunderstorm.  We liked it, I'm sure Nightwulf hated it.

[BDawk]

Can you make a realistic thunderstorm noise? I wouldn't know where to begin to make that noise.

[Gantry]

Can you make a realistic thunderstorm noise? I wouldn't know where to begin to make that noise.

You sure can, it sounds something like this

[Lips]

Something I remembered on my way to work today...

A group of us were driving somewhere (I think it was Gantry, fknmclane, fightonusc, TBT, and I going back to the hotel before leaving for the airport). 

Anyways, we were driving when out of the fknblue...a guy in the back of a pickup truck launches a stink bomb onto the road (or possibly at someone).  I didn't see the "launching", but since we were behind him...I sure did smell the nastiness.

Very random, indeed.